/yu/ - Feelings

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 No.1532[View All][D]

Write any random feely thoughts which don't deserve their own thread itt

Sometimes I get in a pretty bad mood, and I start to perceive everything as shitty, even things said by people I'm close with or things I would usually like. Recently I once again was in this mood and got upset when a friend of mine poked fun of a thing I liked, so I wrote a whole rant as a response. I knew the reason it annoyed me was mainly my mood but I suspected that these feelings might be something I "repressed" when in a good mood, also I thought "maybe I'm wrong, but if I don't say it this stays inside of me, on the other hand if I say it we will clear things up"
The next day after reading his response instead of feeling like we "cleared things up" I just felt like I acted like a cunt for no reason
Now this is just a new one of the regretful memories that often pop up in my mind to sting me like a needle
109 replies (and 21 image replies) omitted. Click here to view.

 No.2497[D][DF]

>>2489
Before I find that app, I have a question for you anon. Have you written or thought about what you want to achieve?

 No.2502[D][DF]

>>2436
Perhaps there's some memory thats related to the rain that gets triggered when the weather changes?

 No.2506[D][DF]

>>2497
I want to do well at university and to practice my hobbies. I've thought about it a bit, and for now I've decided on a few activities to do each day. However even just keeping up with the studies is proving to be a challenge

 No.2514[D][DF]

>>2506
I found an application called Tascade. It is both on the computer and on phone. I haven't done anything with it yet but it looks good. Tell me what you think about it anon.

 No.2527[D][DF]

i miss when they used to have video game consoles that you can play test in stores, like when i was a kid i played batman arkham asylum on the x-box 360 (it was just a short demo, but still fun), or at best buy they had the full super mario galaxy game and people would just play the whole damn game in store lole

 No.2546[D][DF]

I keep thinking about this friend that I'm romantically attracted to but they didn't want to pursue a relationship. They haven't really shown interest in dating anyone, due to feeling it's a waste if you aren't going to marry them, which I understand. At first it was just a crushy mix lust, but over time I began to feel it less in my loins and more in my heart, A fact which motivated me to tell him and which makes me melancholy to this day. I don't know if any relationship we could have potentially started would last, but the thought still penetrates from time to time.

Beyond that, attempts to make new friends in this environment have been okay, but it seems that those people gradually lose interest over time. I don't have a problem with being alone, especially since not many people enjoy discussing the shit that's on my mind(not redpill shit or whatever some of you might believe, but overall uncomfy topics), but it still feels like I'm just playing a waiting game until I randomly find another autist.

I really am, huh?

 No.2550[D][DF]

>>2514
It looks pretty good! It also works for the browser which is nice
Though now I'm curious to find some offline open source alternatives. I get a bit worried about privacy sometimes, I mean, I'm going to be putting my personal goals into this thing

 No.2582[D][DF]

>>>/b/11094
i guess. she went through some stuff when she was a kid and she probably wanted to prepare me because i was spoiled or whatever unlike her childhood so if something "bad" happened to me, it wouldnt ruin my life.

 No.2664[D][DF]

I want a gun, of course because it's cool. But, i don't want to be in a position where i would need one, but dont have one on me.

 No.2793[D][DF]

One of the local radio stations had a program sponsored by the local library where the head librarian would read mostly obscure books and literature, some times stories written on the internet. It was for all ages, and wasn't sexual or obscene and the goal was to encourage listeners of all ages to read books and maybe head over to the library. It was honestly quite nice and it did last for a while. He had a soothing voice and always chose interestimg stories, he hinted on who the author might be but never revealed his source. The final broadcast was sad and i don't remember too much about the final story. It was about a guy and his pet lama who seperated after they became teenages having "grown up from eachother". They almost crossed paths several times but something always happened where they didn't notice the other, each time wishing that they could meet up some day and catch up on all that time they where seperated. One day they board a plane and finally meet up, but the situation turns dark as the plane will crash into the sea due to engine troubles, and they arent going slow either. They say their goodbyes and are glad to have known eachother. The story wasm't exactly clear, everything was kinda hinted at.
Miss it dearly. The only thing that kinda works in the same way is the Home made Radio Dramas by the local collage that would play each christmas and halloween. Stories by edgar allen poe and a christmas carol by charles dickens.

 No.2794[D][DF]

Life is short, anons. Sometimes it feels like we're so small fighting against a massive force, the uncertainty of life. What choices should we take? Am I making the right choice? Could I have tried harder? We have to accept the choices we make. The past is the past and the only thing that matters is the present. The time we have and how we spend it. I cried over this earlier but after shedding tears it feels better. We have no choice but to move on. A guy I used to know always used to say "It's never okay to never do anything". Keep going, anons. Never stop.

 No.2835[D][DF]

I'm having a lot of doubts about my life lately. Personally, I have always felt that the best way to live is to do what makes you happy, but for me this is not really reconcilable with the fact that you have to contribute to society to remain living. I mean, it's not like I wasn't aware of it before but I'm face-to-face with the fact that I'm basically a loser. I haven't seen my friends in years, I don't leave my room unless I have to, and I have a god damn gunpla collection. I have been okay with myself this way until now because I was under the assumption that I would become successful at some point, but I increasingly worry that the way I'm capable of applying myself may not allow that. I dread the idea of answering to someone else for decades on end until I retire, with no free time or energy for my hobbies. This is practically already the case with school, but I know it's going to get worse when I graduate and have to get a job. At this rate, I'm just going to alternate between slaving and shitposting until my health deteriorates. I guess on some level, I want to be recognized for what I believe I can offer, but I'm repulsed by the idea of being any kind of spokesman, so I rarely advocate for myself. Besides that, I'm probably not that great in the first place. Maybe it's wrong for me to be more amused by myself than by anyone else. The way I'm living, I wake up already pissed off before my head leaves the pillow. If I have to be like Dilbert, I'm gonna lose it.
That was probably all very disjointed, and I'm not even sure I learned anything by typing it out. There's very little that I'm confident about in general.

 No.2836[D][DF]

>>2835
>gunpla collection
post pics

 No.2837[D][DF]

>>2835
Success is what you make it, anon. Does success necessarily have to mean adoration and wealth? Is success not simply being comfortable in one's own skin? If your friends haven't checked up on you in years, are they really friends? What makes a loser? To me, a loser is someone who faces a hopeless situation and does nothing to amend it. A loser is someone who lies down and dies. A winner stands up and fights, for trying is half the battle.
Don't slave your life away. Why does your job have to be your hobby? Can't a job just be some place you spend a few hours in every day to make some money? Get a part-time job and live modestly, cause money will never equal the value of free time. Work on your hobbies and watch yourself grow better at them with each day. People often use the term "dead-end job". Well, why do people assume my job makes me who I am? Does my value end at my job? That cashier you saw at the store could be a damn good painter. People never know but often judge.
>I have a god damn gunpla collection
That's fucking badass, anon. Never beat yourself up for your interests. You've got a shelf full of kick-ass mecha figures? Fuck yeah, dude! That's fucking awesome. Do you paint them yourself?

 No.2838[D][DF]

>>2836
>>2837
Hey guys, thanks for replying. I might post pics later but the gunpla are at home and I'm at school. I should probably fix them up a little first, since there are some that I haven't posed or put the decals on. That said, I don't paint them or do much of anything beyond what's in the instructions.
I am confident in my friends, even the ones I haven't spoken to in a long time. Some I have kept in touch with online, it's just that we haven't gotten together in a while, so most of the time when I'm going about my day, it's basically like I have no friends.
My idea of success is simply to have the means to live and the free time to enjoy myself, but I both worry that I cannot achieve that and question the feasibility of it. I get the feeling that my life has been laid out for me by the system we live in, and that for me to be happy would probably be considered a loss by the people running things. I'm not really going to school because I like the idea, yet I also think that if I dropped out, I would end up fucking my life up worse. I haven't even started working and I already want to be retired.
I agree that people are different from their jobs. I just think that I wouldn't be content in a situation where I'm perpetually answering to someone else or god forbid, doing customer service.
Regarding the gunpla, it's something I like but it also represents the fact that I'm incompatible with most people, which I think is the reason I'm afraid of having to live a typical life, even if I somehow found it in myself to be outgoing enough to get to that point.
I feel bad saying this, but most of the time when I hear people talking to each other, I'm annoyed by their mannerisms and can't really understand them. I think the only reason I made any friends in the first place is because we were children at the time.

 No.2839[D][DF]

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>>2838
>a situation where I'm perpetually answering to someone else
>I'm annoyed by their mannerisms and can't really understand them
Yikes, ego detected. You're annoyed by other people going about their day yet you're angry that you don't have any friends? What exactly makes you so different from them? And what's so bad about answering to other people? I've had good bosses in past jobs and we got along very well. Hierarchy doesn't necessarily mean you're worth less than someone else, it's just a handy system that's existed since the dawn of time. And what's a typical life? Does that mean a house, a job and friends? Or are you one of those people destined for something greater?
Also don't go for customer service or retail when job hunting. Those are terrible jobs.

 No.2840[D][DF]

>>2839
Jesus, do I sound like I think highly of myself? Let me give you some context here. This is a college. People are always talking about obnoxious trendy stuff. It's not like I think everybody in this place is annoying, but there are enough of them that they're constantly getting to me, talking about Big Chungus or some other shit like that. I was on a bus the other day, and someone got on through the wrong door, then got pissed after the bus driver told her to use the other door. She started swearing loudly and security was called, delaying the bus.
I'm not trying to give you some Elliot Rodger pseudointellect here, and I don't think I'm really angry about having no friends. What gets me in a bad mood is having to wake up early and deal with responsibilities constantly. There's always some kind of bureaucratic thing falling onto me. Just yesterday, I turned in an assignment that I thought had been due two days prior. The due date had been listed as Thursday, but somewhere underneath I was supposed to read that it was actually due on Tuesday. What the fuck?
I think it's a misunderstanding to consider this a matter of self-worth, I just find life to be overwhelming. I wish I could take it easy. I didn't really mean to sound like I think I'm special, in fact I was hoping most people felt like this. I'm anxious about my future because it's not a sure thing that I'm going to be content. I've already said what I want. Maybe that's not really different from what most people have, I don't know.

 No.2841[D][DF]

>>2840
Sorry, your post came off wrong lol. Yeah, I agree trends can be annoying. It's infuriating that people follow them only to abandon whatever it was after a few months to hop on the next bandwagon. Shows a serious lack of integrity. That lady who was screaming at the bus driver sounds like a total bitch. This is why I avoid jobs where you have to serve other people. Idiots like her really treat service workers like punching bags, and sadly this is pretty common.
That assignment stuff sounds like real bullshit. The teacher has to give you a pass on that, right? If the thing really said Thursday. I'd say it's her fault for not updating it more clearly.
How old are you, anon? When I was in my late ttens/early 20s I was extremely anxious over my future as well. I'm 25 now and I feel like I've sort of figured things out. I still have problems and some anger issues but I'm in a much better place. Sometimes during depressive episodes I think that my life sucks but it really doesn't. You just need to figure out your problems and rise above them, when you achieve that it starts getting better. Some people never achieve this, and that's what's really sad because those people usually resort to dragging others down with them. Like that rude bitch on the bus, I'm 100% sure she decided to take out her shitty mood on the whole bus that day. I think that sounds kinda like you, too. Are you annoyed at other people for seemingly being content when you feel like you can't achieve that?
What're you studying? You don't sound very passionate about it.

 No.2842[D][DF]

>>2841
I'm 21. It's good to hear that things might look up. I think my outlook on things is often affected by arbitrary feelings and I have a poor understanding of my own thought processes.
I guess it would make more sense for me to ignore people who bother me most of the time, since it's not like they owe me anything. Still, every time I think to leave it alone, they come up with some other way to get under my skin.
I'm studying computer science. Programming is something that has been my hobby for much longer than I've studied it, so you could say I'm passionate about it, but I rarely feel like the kind of things that I'm taught in class have much to do with what I actually have to know in order to code, based on my experience. Maybe I'm frustrated because I think I'm probably already employable and I'm only here for the degree. I also have doubts about that, though. I've never had much of a frame of reference for my actual level of skill, since I'm largely self-taught. Programming as a career is probably a lot less of a creative task.

 No.2843[D][DF]

>>2842
>I rarely feel like the kind of things that I'm taught in class have much to do with what I actually have to know in order to code
I felt the same way when I was in school. I assume a degree would help you get a job somewhere. I've heard coders can get jobs without a degree if they can show some work but I have no idea if that's true. If you're good at coding, why not code up something cool and show it to an employer? The worst thing that can happen is that they deny you. If not, you'll get your foot in the door. You should give it a shot.
It's true that it doesn't sound very creative lol but it's a good thing to know as computers control more of the world with each passing day. It's probably easy to get a job if you're good at coding.
And yeah, annoying people should be ignored. If you start raging at them you've sunk to their level. Don't let them bother you and if they harass you tell them to fuck off.

 No.2844[D][DF]

>>2843
I do have a few personal coding projects that are unfinished. I get most of my coding done when I don't have schoolwork to keep up with, but even now I could stand to put more time into it. I've heard that it's good to work on open-source projects, too.
Anyway, thanks for the advice. Hopefully I can get some pics of my gunpla tomorrow.

 No.2847[D][DF]

File: yepyepyepmhm.jpg (75.71 KB, 595x257, 595:257, 1631992705884.jpg) [Show in Hex Viewer] [Reverse Image search]

>>2844
Postan gunpla

 No.2848[D][DF]

>>2847
Good shit, anon. Keep at it. I think I had an action figure of the white one when I was a kid, it seems familiar. My grandpa gave it to me for Christmas.

 No.2849[D][DF]

>>2842
I'm pretty much your age, also studying computer science, also into coding since long before college, also scared that my future will make me really unhappy. I don't think this last thing is that uncommon, if it's of any consolation. I guess it's just not something you casually talk about
People don't annoy me, but when I'm stressed they give me anxiety, and I'm always stressed and sleep depraved during courses. Luckily though this year I'll study from home, which is really convenient if a bit disorienting
>my outlook on things is often affected by arbitrary feelings
I relate to this a lot as well

 No.2850[D][DF]

>>2847
top lads
>>2848
>white one
that's the classic RX-78-2 "white devil" gundam from the 80's animu

 No.2860[D][DF]

I actually kept my ps2/gamecube, and all of the games and yet i've lost it in storage somehow. I'm both angry and depressed because i remember placing it in storage, yet after combing through everything, its all gone.
I have the consoles in my possession though.

 No.2870[D][DF]

How to deal with ageing? I catch myself thinking about it more often, feeling bad about it more often even if I don't want to.

 No.2871[D][DF]

>>2870
You need to live the life you want so you'll have no regrets when you're old.

 No.2878[D][DF]

>>2871
meet new people and do fun stuff
even contributing to a project is nice

 No.2914[D][DF]

File: hayashida.jpg (20.69 KB, 471x480, 157:160, 1633493894188.jpg) [Show in Hex Viewer] [Reverse Image search]

I heard about a guy in ancient Greece who was killed for discovering irrational numbers, which makes me kind of sad because I thought we were in the best era for shitposting if nothing else, but they were clearly better.

 No.2915[D][DF]

>>2914
What a dumb thing to kill a man for.

 No.2916[D][DF]

>>2914
Your post reminded me of something I read on Wikipedia the other day.

"The number of ribs as 24 (12 pairs) was noted by the Flemish anatomist Vesalius in his key work of anatomy De humani corporis fabrica in 1543, setting off a wave of controversy, as it was traditionally assumed from the Biblical story of Adam and Eve that men's ribs would number one fewer than women's."

Ancient times must've been wild. To think that someone would make a discovery that totally contradicts your reality. That must be scary. It's nice to exist in a time where all this stuff has been sorted out but I think the world feels much less magical as a result.

 No.2960[D][DF]

>>2914
>>2915

yeah but you gotta remember this was when Pythagoras was still alive. the irrational numbers went against his cult's idea of a perfectly ordered parallel universe of numbers.
it'd be like going into the middle east and saying Muhamed was a massive flaming faggot who sucked camel cocks and I can prove it.

 No.2961[D][DF]

>>2960
Tribal mindset, i see what you mean.

 No.3002[D][DF]

Goodbye halloween. I always feel sad after the month of october is over, It always feels magical to me for some reason.

 No.3003[D][DF]

>>3002
I feel the same way about Christmas.

 No.3005[D][DF]

>>3003
Chistmas is nice because it isn't about giving gifts, it's about spending time together. Even if there isn't anyone to spend time with, its still comfy to be like someone from the 50's smoking a pipe,drinking wiskey, on some big lounge chair with a cat on his lap near a fireplace brooding about whatever.

 No.3006[D][DF]


 No.3007[D][DF]

tried drinking beer but honestly it tastes gross, like wet grass. i was also handed an strawberry/beer ice pop and again, disgusting. same with wine. only alchoholic thing i did enjoy was this 1% jamaican rum chocolate truffles. besides that i guess drinking and alchohol isn't my thing.

 No.3012[D][DF]

I've felt angry for the past two days and today was worse than yesterday. I was on the point of breaking something all day. I sometimes feel the urge to get angry at my cat but I never give in because he's innocent. I just want someone to hurt like I'm hurting.
What makes it even worse is that the day before yesterday I felt fine. I was in a good mood and everything felt easy. It seems to be like that every time. For every good day I have many bad ones. I just want to be at peace.

 No.3016[D][DF]

>>3012
Did something trigger your feelings or is it just sporadic?

 No.3017[D][DF]

>>3016
Long-term physical and mental abuse has left me fucked up.

 No.3018[D][DF]

File: Mumins_9.gif (542.21 KB, 334x251, 334:251, 1636114745220.gif) [Show in Hex Viewer] [Reverse Image search]

>>3012
I'm sorry to hear that anon, hopefully your mood will be better soon.
Have a cute, encouraging Moomin gif!

 No.3019[D][DF]

File: white_Marshmallow_bed_for_….png (Spoiler Image, 457.06 KB, 480x480, 1:1, 1636121213835.png) [Show in Hex Viewer] [Reverse Image search]

>>3018
and a cat pic

 No.3021[D][DF]

>>3018
>>3019
Thank you, anon. I played a Moomin game on the PC as a child. I have faint memories of it, I think it was the first video game I ever played. Peaceful moments such as these always find me in the end of these episodes. Where it all breaks and comes flowing out. I just have to keep going and eventually I'll find something that triggers it. I love you, anons. I hope you are well.

 No.3051[D][DF]

i have a bad ear infection and it just sucks to wait it out
i just wish it could go away quicker

 No.3052[D][DF]

>>3051
Curing an ear infection is a war of attrition. Consistently administering ear medicine and not getting water in your ear will help. If you do go underwater go, with earplugs. I have an ear infection too at the moment. Mine doesn't hurt that much but, I have trouble hearing.

 No.3057[D][DF]

>>1532
I am not in the mood to go to class today. I have to unexcused absences so, I'll live but, today I have a headache and, I don't feel like paying attention. I sort of feel both guilty and happy that I am skipping class. My mind is just conflicted.

 No.3061[D][DF]

>>3051
Update, After the ear infection went away, I now have the flu or some other type of illness
I dont feel good and i hate this, Hopfully it'll go away soom

 No.3068[D][DF]

>>3061
I also currently have the flu and, it annoys me. My ears feel normal now when I listen to music. Before, it sounded muffled in the bad ear. Several of my coworkers feel the same as me, so I don't think I'm alone.



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