Today I was tired all day for no apparent reason. I had quality sleep the prior night but I felt sluggish today. Is it the previous week catching up to me? I doubt this is anything serious but it does feel weird.

>>939
I'm starting to get concerned because the sluggish state has continued into today. It is important that it doesn't affect the activities for this week. I'll just do my best.

is it a bad thing that I have no regrets one way or the other? I'm worried this means I haven't developed as a person. I could've done things differently and my life would be in different, some would say more desirable circumstances, but I don't blame myself for it in the slightest. I am comfortable with myself.

>>1012
It depends on if it was a moral matter or not. If it is just a path you are taking in life and you are trying you don't need to shame yourself.

Strangely and scarily the last two times I drove home from work it was pouring rain. It was scary but thankfully I was cautious the last time. It is scary when normalfags don't have their tail lights properly lit.

>>972
Where they a Scorpions rip-off?

>>981
More like a Cinderella rip off. Scorpions vocally is too high quality for this crappy band to match.

Last night I had a dream about me hanging out with normalfags who had zero regards to my feelings. When I tried to voices my wants and concerns I was brushed off as whining. When I just got up and left the normalfags started to chase me. The last I rememberer I lost the people chasing me.

You know those AMVs? Well in my dream, i was watching an AMV style video but it was nothing but videos of nazi germany, hitler, and his speeches synced to linkin park.
Does it exist? i must know. Is there a significance to this dream? Personally, i don't know.

I was a cat, sleeping on a branch on the TALLEST tree, it was quite relaxing, there was a nice breeze.

On the days i don't get enough sleep, i long for the days where i could sleep in, and even stay up to do something i enjoy. On the days i do get enough sleep, i sometimes regret either not sleeping more, or that i couldn't work enough that day.

If i end up feeling sleepy, i cannot sit down or i WILL sleep, no matter where. I just learned that today lol, never again.

>>990
Yeah, I found out the hard way. If I am even slightly tired and I lay my head down 70% I will pass out.

I used to believe EMFs from electronics were hindering my sleep, but after
>putting my computer to sleep instead of completely shutting it down
>accidentally sleeping while watching youtube (phone close to head)
I've started to dream again after not dreaming at all for months. Why is this and what could possibly cause this? Am I just a computer program? Am I in the matrix? Am I was phone?

I started using a feather pillow, it's easier to sleep but man is it uncanny to place my head on, nice feeling but WEIRD.
>>1001 Maybe your body adapted so now it doesn't bother you.

>>977

No, not really. I guess it's just how I behaved at school. Always was getting into trouble or doing something stupid. Guess her parents just told her to stop talking to me

>>978
god even after all that time of knowing eachother?

>>978

I've had many such cases, or rather attempted cases. I'd try to make friends when I was a lot younger and the parents or teachers would always break it up/ward them off. So I ended up always being alone because I was always viewed as the delinquent.

What upsets me is that nobody believed me as a kid. I'd only ever get into fights or arguments because people would tease or beat me horribly, and my natural reaction is to argue or fight back. Of course I'd get in trouble for doing so though. I'd never get heard out or have the time of day spent on me because of it, people just assumed I liked picking fights.

This continued pretty much all the way into secondary school, tried to make a couple friends but the people from my primary were there so they'd still bully me. My reputation was made within the first couple of months of being there and remained for the remaining 6 years that I was there.

I think having an autism diagnosis helped in some regards. Teachers stopped looking at me as the kid who just wants to cause trouble to the kid "with problems", so they were more lenient to me. Still didn't hear me out or believe me though. The students still bullied and isolated themselves from me so from about the end of the first year until the end of the sixth I became the quiet kid.

A similar thing happened, though not to such an extent. Again, it replays in my head almost daily.

>in my final year of secondary school
>don't know any of my teacher's names
>don't know any of my classmate's names
>forgetting even those who I went to primary with
>spend my time drawing or practicing copperplate or runes, whatever I had my eye on at the time instead of studying for final exams
>wasn't going to go to uni anyway so who cares
>in language class
>girl I've never spoken to before, don't know her name, don't recognise her face at all
>hair dyed blonde, cute chubby, smiley and kind
>we get paired together for some exercise
>have to talk about what we want to do after school in the language we're studying
>she's very bubbly and nice, talking to me from the get go
>I respond with my usual "yeah.." or "mm"

Thing is, I'd never get paired with anybody. It was as if the teachers were excluding me themselves from talking to others, so this to me was practically foreign and I didn't really know what to do.

>Her:"So Anon, what is it you want to do?"
>Me:"Um.. I'm not really sure. Maybe history or anthropology"
>Her:"Anthropology? What kind of qualifications do you need for that?"
>Me:"I'm not sure. I'm guessing history and some kind of science though."
>Her:"That seems really interesting, what makes you want to do that?"
>Me:"Just seems right to me I suppose. What do you want to do?"
>Her:"I want to work in a beautician/salon"
>Me:"Nice."
>Her:"Yeah, I'm doing an apprenticeship at the minute and it's really fun!"
>Me:"Do you get paid well for it? I can only imagine myself working if I get paid well"
>Her:"Yeah, for what it is I suppose I get paid well, but-"

>she gets cut off mid sentence by the teacher telling us to split up, write about what happened, then hand it up to her before class ends

This was probably about 15 or 20 minutes max in an hour long class and it's replaying in my mind constantly. Not sure if this is a sign that I'm pathetic or what, but these moments are rare in my life so it's more or less all I have. Hoping that someone else itt can relate.

>>984
It sounds like you where so fucking close to actually making a connection with another person, and getting cut off like that severed it. At least you tried.

I remember pretending to go to tutoring and just going to the university and taking walks around campus. In uni, my parents wanted me to go to tutoring, but I felt like it was pointless. In high I tried going the tutoring route, but it didn't lead anywhere. Tutoring seems to benefit the people who are very close to figuring things out. When I struggled in class, it took time tinkering with the topic by myself to get some sort of understanding.

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https://files.catbox.moe/pq33lp.mp4 [Play]

This weekend flew by and the work week has been exhausting lately. It is just how life is sometimes. I hate feeling like I have little freetime.

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Sometimes, I wonder if indeed I am a terrible person who harms others intentionally or not and can't help people around with anything due to incompetency and selfishness. Or if maybe it's all a mere lie they project at me because they supposedly hate who I am out of envy and want me to fail until giving up completely and thus lowering myself to their mediocre level.
Well, independently, I'm too exhausted...

>>994
Some problems are only solvable with time. So unless you are forcing yourself into situations you are probably a victim of circumstances.

It feels like sometimes there is only so much I can do but I don't accept it fully that things are out of my control. I think I could do more to make a situation better than mediocre but I can't. It sucks.

>>657
do you know if specific people in your family that might care enough to ask where you've been and missing your company or is it just impossible to tell?

>>657
Normalfags are so fair-weather people it is painful. When things are good with you, they don't show you that you matter. They only appreciate the theoretical idea of you, not the actual you. Being around normalfags who don't care about you makes me feel even more alone. The gatherings don't matter and are more appearance of family togetherness rather than an actual gathering,

Ah... family gatherings.
These are a reason to celebrate, largely speaking. But as I get older I see that people change. My childhood was guided by the elders of my family, and as a result the family remained quite together. As they passed on, everyone drifted apart even when one or two fought to prevent it. I remember Christmas at Grandma and Grandpa's house. They had 8 kids and the cousin count was huge, albeit with a 25 year range in my generation between oldest and youngest. It didn't matter. Everyone had someone to talk to and play with. As time went on people stopped gathering as readily. One of the cousins is getting married soon and everyone likes him, so I think we will all be together there in celebration no matter how far people drifted apart. I am thankful for that.

Beyond this, though, I find that the reality of the situation is that most people just do not care. They have no heart. No love. They are slaves to vanity and the world around them. This is what causes families to fracture. On my other side of the family I see very little in the way of true close ties. It isn't like it was in the stories of the elders when they first came to this country and the decades that followed. They'll all say it was because of time and work and other excuses, but people only stick together if they really want to. Most don't.

To this end, I also have found that there are certain people, certain families, who I share no blood with but am blessed to be a part of during certain religious and social gatherings. These people maintain the meaning of true family as those you are bound to in spirit and real love.

>>659
>Normalfags are so fair-weather people it is painful.
Yes, I believe this is how most humans navigate society. Certain merits of loyalty and honor are not the standard. I am aggrieved by this, but have learned to accept instead that those who have these merits are instead cherished.

>>964
>no matter how far people drifted apart. I am thankful for that.
It is always a joy to have people show love to you even, though it's been a while. Even if it is fake, it still feels good.
>but have learned to accept instead that those who have these
This is what we need to do to stay sane. These normalfags are not going to change because they are the majority, and we are the chosen few to recognize the shortcomings of society's behavior. The way I cope is to treat myself well. I have to recognize I can treat myself the best, and trying to please normalfags will make me go insane.

>>965
>trying to please normalfags will make me go insane
Bingo. They chase meaningless things that other people tell them matter. I live according to what makes me feel "right" and happy. I don't make sense even to myself sometimes because I feel like I somehow exist outside of the society I am myself a part of. I don't have the same struggles these people do because I am not married to something such as money but rather meaningful experiences with other people and even by myself. I was with my two friends that I live with and we were just "vibing" as is often said by people younger than me. I was taken aback by how wonderful everything felt. We all seemed to be synchronized in this feeling of appreciation that we could share in such a moment with one another. Then it became N64 games all night. We stopped to run to the store and get some soda and snacks and just kept the fun going. It was wild because the whole thing cost us maybe $20 for three people to have one of the most pleasant evenings of all time.

You can't convince people to have fun. You can't convince them to value small things. Even just a single breeze outside winding through the grass. Bringing it back to OP, these sorts of things are what my dad spoke of in abstract terms, describing life on the farm as a child when the extended family would all come and play softball, his mother would put pies on the windowsill, and people just existed. Sure, the same nature of people was there in their hearts maybe, but the world itself was smaller and people could appreciate life. When you look at the "Blue Zones" on earth where people live long lives, social elements such as these are still a factor.

>>930
Oh no don't remind me of the unskippable ads they added inside of the video specifically so the addblocker won't block it

>>931
It is one of the most annoying problems on the internet. The blatant grifting and content farming these youtubers do. The youtuber pads out videos a lot of time to begin with and on top it they spend a minute promoting garbage. It is pure pain.

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>>932
>>931
I find it kind of absurd when the "spend a minute promoting garbage" part for example happens while you're watching a serious documentary about human rights violations in China and the host shifts gears to promote NordVPN, a fully automatic wallet, sketchy cryptos or mobile games, right after he shows footage of a truck crushing school children, but honestly before we get further into that I just wanted to tell you about this amazing project I recently found out about, an undervalued asset called the 22chan Token! Understand that this isn't financial advice but I truly believe this token has a lot of potential. With a team made up of fully anonymous CATs, a revolutionary roadmap that promises catnapping where you let your tokens sleep to earn more, fish farming because obviously cats need a steady supply of fish, and even a potential metaverse cat café where you can pet NFT kittens-LISTEN!!! this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get in early before the fat cats start accumulating. The best part is that this 22chan token isn't just another meme coin but it's backed by real utility that is set to disrupt the entire Web3 landscape by introducing a new paradigm of decentralized feline content creation. Whether you're a indie gator artist, a water-melon farmer in the digital economy or just a nigga who loves trading cat-themed JPEGs this project is tailor-made for nyuu! Some say it could even rival BTC in the coming years!

>>933
https://youtu.be/OJDmhLlvQNU [Play]

>>933
i will physically cut off both of my legs and sell them on the black market for 22chan token

>>404
more random update vent
i am more productive lately but much more exhausted later in the day. i feel like school is making me dull as a person. i wonder how to get rid of this dull feeling.

>>420
Productive in what way? In the way of your school work or your hobbies? If you are more productive in your school work try making an effort on the weekend for your hobbies.

There are some days that my stress gets so bad I can't enjoy my hobbies. When I try to do my hobbies it only reminds me the stress. The only thing I can do is to set aside time for my feelings to pass. It is a struggle because I want to balance my life with fun and obligations.

Stress is inevitable so long as stuff like radical profiteering runs rampant in ways too convoluted to do anything about..

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>>405
That's a WHALE SHARK, IT'S NOT A REAL WHALE
GET THIS NIGGA