>>680
I promise you anon, what you're experiencing is chronic amongst humanity. These concerns of yours have entered the mind of almost every single person on this planet at least once. This is a problem that I myself have faced for almost my entire life. And for that, I have one thing to say to you; you're thinking about it wrong. You are not a victim of "normalfags" or regular people.
You're right, there is this sort of double faced "game" that people play in social situations. A kind of awful dick measuring contest, constantly. It's horrible, and it's not something I choose to entertain myself. Do you find yourself wondering how hard it must be to find somebody that's actually authentic? Somebody honest, who doesn't play those games? Everybody likes authenticity, and yet, our social lives are filled with plastic fakeness at every turn? It doesn't make any sense, except it does.
Nobody likes playing this social game. Nobody except the narcissistic and self obsessed. Everybody wishes they could be "authentic", and that they could find somebody who is "authentic".
So, what's stopping you from being that authentic person? Naturally, you would be afraid of others not liking you, but truly that is only a symptom of the problem, rather than the source. I can speak from experience, and I promise you brother please believe me, people are attracted to honesty. You do not need to play this game to be socially successful. You simply need to be honest, fair, and good hearted. People of high quality will find themselves inextricably attracted to you, pulled towards your presence. BECAUSE you're honest! Your honesty will terrify some, irritate others, and attract many. It's always going to be a mixed bag.
But-- a problem. You cannot truly be honest with others if you hate yourself, and you admit that you do hate yourself. And thusly, the true problem is discovered. All of us here on 22 are socially isolated, and many here hate themselves. I believe that there is a connection, in that people who hate themselves, and force themselves to behave and act differently around others, actually push people away. People are attracted to good qualities, such as honesty, fairness, morality, intelligence, etc. It's very difficult to have those qualities fully and truly if you hate yourself.
I know that you reading this probably won't solve anything, but if I have one piece of advice for you, anon, it's this;
Love Yourself. Learn to like yourself, learn to respect and appreciate yourself. If you love yourself, you will become okay with others not accepting you, and if you're okay with others not accepting you, then you have more social freedom than even the most powerful normalfag. Because you will then be the arbiter of your own social life, not a victim of it. Honesty trumps all.
Godspeed brother.