>>808
maybe you should stop taking zoloft?

>>809
stopping it so suddenly makes it alot worse so im working on lowering it to 75mg at first, but it still wont make anything much better

>>808
What are your hobbies anon? Sometimes the only thing I can do is distract myself with hobbies.

>>812
i make music its a good outlet i think but distractions dont really do much anymore

>>780
I feel like I let myself down too often. My aim is to do things well but I end up overthinking things if you know what I mean. Deadlines can be beneficial but they can also cause me to overthink things.

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On your walks at night, do you ever find yourself secretly hoping that you get mugged so you can just have them gun you down? Imagine the interaction, they shout "gimme all you got" and the only thing I can fathom I'd say is "I don't have anything to take. Just kill me man." The prospect is almost exciting.
At least then it would be a "senseless tragedy".

>>789
this, but me beating the actual shit out of the mugger

>>789
I am at peace when I am on a nightwalk so I am feeling good about my life in the small ways I can. Sure my life sucks but I can enjoy small things.

I hate how everyone feels like they are the exception to the rule. The outsized sense of self that normies have is something I cannot be at peace with because this behavior is unavoidable. These people will say it is the other guy doing the undesirable behavior but then will turn around and do the same thing the next day. This behavior is something worth complaining about because there is little that one person can change this behavior.

>>802
mine is kind of retarded, i feel anxiety because i wish a stranger could just play with me at the arcade or like maybe i could just make a new friend to play wish instead of me playing alone, its not so bad, what does feel worse in a sense is that i'm actually pretty bad, like i'm shit with street fighter and a few rhythim games and i feel anxiety about not performing too well.

>>803
I understand that. In general, if you're looking to make friends online I've met a lot of good people through fighting games, but also a lot of bad, and you have to be a good judge of character to find anybody worthwhile. Ultimately, the people that you find that are worth your time are only in a slump in their lives, and aren't going to be sticking around for long.
Really, being bad is a good reason TO reach out to people that you meet through fighting games, because you have the excuse of "learning from them by fighting them more", even if your intention is just to become friends. Everybody I met through fighting games kicked my ass into the dirt when we met. There comes a point where you have to realize that being embarrassed about being bad is actually MORE embarrassing than simply being bad and embracing it while trying to become more skilled. People appreciate honesty and sincerity.
What kind of fighting games do you play? I remember a long time ago there were attempts to make a 22chan Steam group that never got off the ground, mostly centered around TF2

a big part of the problem is feeling that playing games are an obligation, that because you've sunk even a few hours in any given game that you have to continually go back to it.
If you're stuck in an unfulfilling routine and your nagging subconscious is telling you not to play games and do something else, the best thing you can do is listen to it. It's hard to break from the comfort of routine though, and I won't say it's easy for me either, but it is fulfilling to get to other things you may have been putting off. Eventually, with an effective balancing of your priorities, you can return to playing games without guilt.

>>805
when it comes to online games... the problem is having to subscribe to a service to make that nonsense work unlike how it was back in the day where you plug a little cable or connect to wifi and get free multiplayer, i personally can't be bothered to pay for a service nowadays. i kinda miss playing multiplayer like smashbrothers or maybe some halo, i'd play for the sake of getting stronger and learn some tricks from other people. for a game like destiny pvp i learned real quick to have a weapon like a shotgun and a quick trigger finger. back in the day i kind of wanted to reach out to other people even if it meant talking about the game itself but i wasn't exactly allowed since i was a kid. there was a gap of like 4 years where i haven't exactly bothered playing vidya and only now i've been scanning pawn shops and other places for new games i haven't played before since i only kind of played mediocure games, being retarded i even sold games iight have enjoyed like marvel vs capcom for thd xbox
>what fighting games do you play
back in the day it was smash brothers, mortal combat vs dc and marvel vs capcom but i dropped it like a retard because i was bored and thought i could make some money off of them, (had to track down smash brothers because i realised how stupid i was) more recently i bought the injustice games which was actually pretty fucking fun, there was a marvel game but it was arcade only at dave and busters which is a shame.
at my new local arcade i've been playing streetfighter 2, old school marvel vs capcom, and tekken both of which i'm quite awful at, i actually bought the switch version of the streetfighter games and i get the same result.
whenever i play a fighting game its pretty much me button mashing like an idiot instead of like developing strategies or something like a regular human being would. i have been trying to slow down and actually play the game (street fighter 2) but it always ends up to me getting stunlocked by fucking Dhalsim every god damned time.

>>732
That reminds me of life in general. In the past things felt so simple but now it feels so complicated.

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yeah. i feel that way too sometimes. i think complexity is beautiful and terrifying at the same time. maybe people grow to appreciate it as they get older

>>734
I hope I can feel the same way when I get older because I want some clarity on life sometime.

i wanna be at peace when im older

I remember being obsessed with USB drives when I was 11. Flash drives were a required school supply for that year. When I got my USB I found the way it carried files cool. I remember getting so obsessed I'd call the kids without a flash drive broke.

>>791
Finding good copes is what makes things not so bad and sometimes great to stay alive.

>>792
My sanity slips just a little bit more every day. I am losing myself to this torture. I don't know how much more I'm going to have to endure this but if there's no end to it soon then I might have to take matters into my own hands.
Once you feel truly alive once, you will never be able to go back. I don't want copes, I want the truth to be different.

>>155
not OP, but the way i decided to approach this is only focusing on the topics i really want to know. i've been studying judiasm and messianic movements so i would like to read the talmud and kaballah since they relate to the matter, and i still have to read nag hamadi/ the sophea texts.
also i have been curious about shintoism so thats next and thank fuck because i thought i wouldn't be able to find that stuff on the internet.
to say the least when studying harder subject matters it's difficult and its mind breaking when you get interrupted and lose progress, and have to start at the beginning of what could very well be thousands of pages. the way i have coped is finding audiobook versions of stuff online like youtube or librivox and i tend to pivot like lets say i am reading a book, read through a part of it and shit happens, well i'll choose another book in the meantime and focus on that untill i feel better.

>>799
Not to further derail this into a conversation about religions and politics but I can't even be bothered to listen to Bertrand Comparet's audio book interpretation of the Bible (which is if you're wondering about correcting the mistranslations put in by members of Rabbinic Judaism: https://archive.org/details/CPM_DSCI_Archive_Comparet) because my mind fades away into another direction the moment it gets the chance (mainly video games, imageboards, and pornography), and so I seriously have started to wonder how people many hundreds years ago people could keep their attention span and motivation to read something like the entirety of the bible. I remember listening in on a interview on the Tucker Carlson about Martin Shkreli who said that he read around 100's of books while in jail for securities fraud and conspiracy because he had all the time in the world with no distractions: https://youtu.be/NeyN3Jzdzz0?t=2104 [Play] and https://youtu.be/NeyN3Jzdzz0?t=2378 [Play]

I think in the ages past that life was such a pain - no anaesthetic for surgery, no germ theory, no electricity etc. - that simply reading a book was a luxury. I think we take it for granted how easy it is to be bored. I think surrounded by cold and dark and pain and hunger you'd find any sort of escapism whatsoever to be utterly engrossing.
Just my thoughts.

>>445
I've found that it is impossible to force yourself to be happy or optimistic. To me, it is harmful to try to convince yourself you are optimistic for the future when your current trajectory is mediocrity, or worse, you are just lying to yourself and settling when you think you are doing well in life. When that happens, you need to make a change, or it will come back to bite you. That is what I am trying to do now. I am trying to reach my potential, but I don't have a set-in-stone path forward. It is something I need to work towards and achieve to have reasons that have substance to be happy and optimistic for now and the future.

I've had a bit of an epiphany. To sum it up in a sentence, It feels much better, and is healthier to set many short term goals instead of focusing wholly on a single long term one. If you feel steadily accomplished, that momentum will carry you and your willpower over a lot of mental hurdles. So much of it is your state of mind; you just have to remember to keep it under control.

>>785
have you thought of name? i realised i havent thought of anything yet.

>>786
Have you thought of what color cat do you want? Some kinds of cats are more talkative than the others.

>>787
Calicos are cute but i met a very kind tabby recently. There are too many choices.

balck cats are alot better then orgnae

>>796
is it because black cats are calmer?