even with zoloft (doctors kept increasing dose every time i would do something drastic, went from 50mg to 100mg in a a week) numbing me to the point that i dont care about anything and never feel good or bad i still feel that constant insatiable emptiness that nothing could ever cure no drugs or person or whatever i try distract myself with can fill that hole in me its constantly borrowing deeper in2 me and im wasting time not killing myself already kekekkek no matter how much i think i get better. it all comes back twice as intense and leaves me in the despair i keep thinking i escape. recently ive been content, numbed to completely i couldnt care about anything at all, so apathetic towards everything and everyone and i am still this way but now instead im apathetic and just as horrible feeling as before no contentment. all i want is to die but i know i wont people care about me and they dont realise im always fleeting they care but its never enough so i will never care6 replies omitted. Click here to view. (Bump Limit: 250)
>>809
stopping it so suddenly makes it alot worse so im working on lowering it to 75mg at first, but it still wont make anything much better
>>808
What are your hobbies anon? Sometimes the only thing I can do is distract myself with hobbies.
>>812
i make music its a good outlet i think but distractions dont really do much anymore
Natural supplements are the way anon.
>>814
what specific supplements?
I used to be a much more avid gamer than I am nowadays. I would spend hours practicing to get better in fighting games, and I would be involved with the community and have so much fun.
Nowadays though, I struggle to enjoy myself while playing games without constantly feeling like a cuck. I think about how I want to get better at videogames rather than get better at "real life". I think about all sorts of people that matter to me a lot in life, and if I can protect them, or help them, or do what I need to do for them. I think about all of the things I COULD be doing to become the "man I want to be", rather than focusing on simply enjoying myself.
I'm extremely depressed and going through one of the worst periods of my life right now, but efforts have been being made to work myself out of it and return to where I once was. Despite that fact, I still feel somewhat guilty. Any time I do feel cucked when trying to play videogames, I usually stop and do a quick 20 minute workout to shake the feeling off, and this used to work, but now the feeling doesn't go away. It just feels like I shouldn't be playing videogames now, even though I don't have a good reason not to. Even replaying games I love, I'll just end up with an empty save file only a couple of levels in, if that.
Pic related, I've gotten into Soul Calibur VI recently but after a few days I just cannot bring myself to play it anymore. When I sit in the training room practicing combos, or sitting in lobbies waiting to get into fights, I just cannot fight away that bug that tells me I should be pushing myself further in the real world, rather than ignoring my problems in digital ones.
When I have a few opportunities to play videogames with friends I have lots of fun, and these thoughts never enter my mind. Not once do I think I'm wasting my time or think I should be doing something else when I'm spending time with my friends, no matter what it is that I'm doing. Maybe it's because I just can't bring myself to play videogames alone anymore?
It's not that I simply don't enjoy the games I'm playing, and I've especially gotten several new ones that I enjoy a lot, but I still just can't seem to have fun with them anymore.
Does anybody else here feel the same way, especially with competitive games? What strategies have you used to overcome this? Are there any games you've played/ things you've done that have helped you deal with this kind of feeling?
If this belongs in /yu/ just move the thread4 replies omitted. Click here to view. (Bump Limit: 250)
>>802
mine is kind of retarded, i feel anxiety because i wish a stranger could just play with me at the arcade or like maybe i could just make a new friend to play wish instead of me playing alone, its not so bad, what does feel worse in a sense is that i'm actually pretty bad, like i'm shit with street fighter and a few rhythim games and i feel anxiety about not performing too well.
>>803
I understand that. In general, if you're looking to make friends online I've met a lot of good people through fighting games, but also a lot of bad, and you have to be a good judge of character to find anybody worthwhile. Ultimately, the people that you find that are worth your time are only in a slump in their lives, and aren't going to be sticking around for long.
Really, being bad is a good reason TO reach out to people that you meet through fighting games, because you have the excuse of "learning from them by fighting them more", even if your intention is just to become friends. Everybody I met through fighting games kicked my ass into the dirt when we met. There comes a point where you have to realize that being embarrassed about being bad is actually MORE embarrassing than simply being bad and embracing it while trying to become more skilled. People appreciate honesty and sincerity.
What kind of fighting games do you play? I remember a long time ago there were attempts to make a 22chan Steam group that never got off the ground, mostly centered around TF2
a big part of the problem is feeling that playing games are an obligation, that because you've sunk even a few hours in any given game that you have to continually go back to it.
If you're stuck in an unfulfilling routine and your nagging subconscious is telling you not to play games and do something else, the best thing you can do is listen to it. It's hard to break from the comfort of routine though, and I won't say it's easy for me either, but it is fulfilling to get to other things you may have been putting off. Eventually, with an effective balancing of your priorities, you can return to playing games without guilt.
>>805
when it comes to online games... the problem is having to subscribe to a service to make that nonsense work unlike how it was back in the day where you plug a little cable or connect to wifi and get free multiplayer, i personally can't be bothered to pay for a service nowadays. i kinda miss playing multiplayer like smashbrothers or maybe some halo, i'd play for the sake of getting stronger and learn some tricks from other people. for a game like destiny pvp i learned real quick to have a weapon like a shotgun and a quick trigger finger. back in the day i kind of wanted to reach out to other people even if it meant talking about the game itself but i wasn't exactly allowed since i was a kid. there was a gap of like 4 years where i haven't exactly bothered playing vidya and only now i've been scanning pawn shops and other places for new games i haven't played before since i only kind of played mediocure games, being retarded i even sold games iight have enjoyed like marvel vs capcom for thd xbox
>what fighting games do you play
back in the day it was smash brothers, mortal combat vs dc and marvel vs capcom but i dropped it like a retard because i was bored and thought i could make some money off of them, (had to track down smash brothers because i realised how stupid i was) more recently i bought the injustice games which was actually pretty fucking fun, there was a marvel game but it was arcade only at dave and busters which is a shame.
at my new local arcade i've been playing streetfighter 2, old school marvel vs capcom, and tekken both of which i'm quite awful at, i actually bought the switch version of the streetfighter games and i get the same result.
whenever i play a fighting game its pretty much me button mashing like an idiot instead of like developing strategies or something like a regular human being would. i have been trying to slow down and actually play the game (street fighter 2) but it always ends up to me getting stunlocked by fucking Dhalsim every god damned time.
>“The dangers of the days but newly gone, Whose memory is written on the earth With yet appearing blood, and the examples Of every minute’s instance, present now, Hath put us in these ill-beseeming arms; Not to break peace, or any branch of it, But to establish here a peace indeed, Concurring both in name and quality. What we determine we often break. Purpose is but the slave to memory.”
The goal of this thread is to recount your memories. Even the vague, hazy ones on the edge of your mind.14 replies (and 3 file replies) omitted. Click here to view. (Bump Limit: 250)
>>732
That reminds me of life in general. In the past things felt so simple but now it feels so complicated.
yeah. i feel that way too sometimes. i think complexity is beautiful and terrifying at the same time. maybe people grow to appreciate it as they get older
>>734
I hope I can feel the same way when I get older because I want some clarity on life sometime.
i wanna be at peace when im older
I remember being obsessed with USB drives when I was 11. Flash drives were a required school supply for that year. When I got my USB I found the way it carried files cool. I remember getting so obsessed I'd call the kids without a flash drive broke.
unlike the dream thread this thread is about sleeping, inability to sleep and other related matters.
personally its been weird, i remember having an organic ability to sleep and wake up on time without problems, 9pm sleep wake up at like 7, nowadays i have to go to bed at 12 and wake up at 5 or 7 and with coffee its fine bit man when 2:00pm hits i am all kinds of messed up, it feels like i am having an out of bodey experience and of i sit down without question i WILL pass out.
>>756
I struggle to sleep past 8 am. I am not sure but being a wagie has conditioned me to be an early riser.
>>757
Recently I've been able to sleep longer and that has improved my functionality throughout the day.
I. AM. ANGRY. I am angry about ANGER. I am angry about SELF HATE. I am angry about SELF DOUBT. I am angry about EGO, and SELF DESTRUCTIVE TENDENCIES. I am angry about ANXIETY, and FEAR, and COWARDICE. I am angry about WEAKNESS.
If you have any of these problems, get ANGRY about them. Get so ANGRY that you PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN and say "I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!".
Get so ANGRY that you FIX YOUR PROBLEMS. You are STRONG, you are CAPABLE.
Post ITT if you are ANGRY about these problems like I am, and want to HELP OTHERS with these PROBLEMS.
YOU WERE MADE FOR GREATNESS.
SLAY THAT DEMON.25 replies (and 1 file replies) omitted. Click here to view. (Bump Limit: 250)
>>646
Sorry didn't realize you felt that way. I'll knock it off.
>>635
Well i managed to pull it off and snag mysepf a copy and afterwards they ran out of stock and took the game off of the online stock thing so i'd say it worked out. It's just i had to dedicate a fuck ton of time F5'ing the website and then going in store.
>>636
culture should not exist only for those who can afford it. it's hilarious because the same people who bitch about muh diversity make the most expensive content. piracy is not a crime.
I love how you aren't allowed to ask questions or even take an alternate look at history anymore or just like, talk about a specific group of people without getting a tactical nuke dropped on your ass. For all i know all of history can be fake so why not do research to confirm shit?
Another thing i dont like is how everyone is supposed to have the same religion or political belief like if it fucking matters even though in america atleast it wasn't supposed to matter.
The comics code of conduct was created out of a moral panic and there was major cencorship done to radio broadcasts back in the day when it was actually unwarranted, when anime first hit america in the 90's so many people got pissed off. I wouldn't be shocked if thats why we get shitty localisation of japanese media is because our poor poor american sensibilities can't fucking handle it.
>>104
https://youtube.com/watch?v=wiehQvYGv6U [Play]
GET MAD
GET SO MAD IT DRIVES YOU MAD
just remembered this sequence from g gundam and it reminded me of this thread, i had no choice
do you ever feel like you have to avoid an elephant in the room as to not hurt people's feelings or self image?
also
i'm never trying to hurt anyone's feelings. i feel like people should always keep that in mind when people try to dissect controversial opinions. i don't like seeing people distressed as that usually indicates something in their past is preventing them from thinking about it clearly. i just want to understand everyone and make sure we're all on the same page.
Do you ever feel disconnected from people? Like if you don't belong in society or when your in a situation where you have to work with diffrent people, But it's like your a damn ghost or somehow not wanted?13 replies (and 3 file replies) omitted. Click here to view. (Bump Limit: 250)
>>599
sometimes i express my honest feelings on something and it gets on other people's nerves for some reason. i can be a depressive kind of person but i don't really understand why expressing negative emotions, even if they're not directed towards anyone, gets a bad reaction from others.
also, this has been getting on my nerves for a while now, but mental illness or neurodivergence acceptance is not an invitation to be an antisocial or mean asshole.
How do you guys deal with social isolation?
I know on some instinctual level we have a need for companionship, but at the same time I feel no desire to acquiesce to the demands of society in order to achieve it. I don't care how I present myself in public, or how stilted I am when speaking to people for this reason, because I know I'd rather be alone than waste my time with all the bullshit other people bring. Socialization hinges on putting on a front for others therefore anyone I would meet wouldn't connect with me.
I feel like I'm fighting a battle between my instinctual and rational thoughts and it's beginning to wear down my sanity. I hate them all and I also hate myself. The whole paradoxical nature of it all just pisses me off and I'm wondering if anyone is going through something similar. Probably not because I doubt this will make sense to anyone but me, but that's okay.
>>680
There is no good way of dealing with social isolation because it is not a good situation to be in. It increases your risk for health risk. I think the best thing to do is to get the most clarity on your situation so you know the solution you need.
>>680
I promise you anon, what you're experiencing is chronic amongst humanity. These concerns of yours have entered the mind of almost every single person on this planet at least once. This is a problem that I myself have faced for almost my entire life. And for that, I have one thing to say to you; you're thinking about it wrong. You are not a victim of "normalfags" or regular people.
You're right, there is this sort of double faced "game" that people play in social situations. A kind of awful dick measuring contest, constantly. It's horrible, and it's not something I choose to entertain myself. Do you find yourself wondering how hard it must be to find somebody that's actually authentic? Somebody honest, who doesn't play those games? Everybody likes authenticity, and yet, our social lives are filled with plastic fakeness at every turn? It doesn't make any sense, except it does.
Nobody likes playing this social game. Nobody except the narcissistic and self obsessed. Everybody wishes they could be "authentic", and that they could find somebody who is "authentic".
So, what's stopping you from being that authentic person? Naturally, you would be afraid of others not liking you, but truly that is only a symptom of the problem, rather than the source. I can speak from experience, and I promise you brother please believe me, people are attracted to honesty. You do not need to play this game to be socially successful. You simply need to be honest, fair, and good hearted. People of high quality will find themselves inextricably attracted to you, pulled towards your presence. BECAUSE you're honest! Your honesty will terrify some, irritate others, and attract many. It's always going to be a mixed bag.
But-- a problem. You cannot truly be honest with others if you hate yourself, and you admit that you do hate yourself. And thusly, the true problem is discovered. All of us here on 22 are socially isolated, and many here hate themselves. I believe that there is a connection, in that people who hate themselves, and force themselves to behave and act differently around others, actually push people away. People are attracted to good qualities, such as honesty, fairness, morality, intelligence, etc. It's very difficult to have those qualities fully and truly if you hate yourself.
I know that you reading this probably won't solve anything, but if I have one piece of advice for you, anon, it's this;
Love Yourself. Learn to like yourself, learn to respect and appreciate yourself. If you love yourself, you will become okay with others not accepting you, and if you're okay with others not accepting you, then you have more social freedom than even the most powerful normalfag. Because you will then be the arbiter of your own social life, not a victim of it. Honesty trumps all.
Godspeed brother.
Family reunions/gatherings can be very painful for many reasons. To avoid trouble with your parents, you need to socialize with normalfags. I recently had a social gathering, and I have very mixed feelings. My family was hosting a family gathering, and the whole time, I could only feel dread. For one thing, there was no one my age, and people of older generations feel entitled to be judgemental because they have lived more. In my case, it was mainly my mom who was pressuring me to participate and to be sociable with unsociable relatives. Situations, where you are forced to be social, are just exhausting, and it feels like the pressure never goes away till the end. I don't know if I made any sense. How are family gatherings for you?4 replies omitted. Click here to view. (Bump Limit: 250)
>>364
The people my age i met during family gatherings are normalnigger trash in the purest sense. Terminally online, 1000 social media accounts, What normalniggers classify as "zoomers" in their shit slang if you know what i mean. I talk to them about the stuff they enjoy or can relate to, they ignore me to my face. If i had social media it would be diffrent in there eyes i guess? I hated hout they pressured a family member i just met who fought in 'nam and didnt have social media. They railroaded him into downloading facebook so he could conmect with his old buddies. He was happy after the fact but facebook isn't exactly a healthy app. When they where pressuring him, he was uncomfortable and kind of shaking and when i tried to step in i was told i was being a downer and i just got dismissed. I guess its the same with the older folk (caught up in their own little worlds) but that guy i met was neat and had a bunch of stories. I guess family doesn't have to be in the blood?
For as long as I can remember, I've always hated going to my yearly family reunion. I have never connected with anyone in my extended family on anything. I barely talk the whole time I'm there. It feels like the only reason I keep on going is out of love for my Dad. Of course he wants me to be close with my family, as he is, but I can't help but feel that each time I'm going as an accessory to him, that all my relatives don't see me as an individual, but as my Dad's son, and that my absence reflects badly on him and would call into question his efficacy as a parent.
There was a time where I didn't go for several years. Each year following I was told how much my family missed me and eventually I caved into going again, only to get the same empty response from them: all small talk, just feigning interest. The year before I took my break I spent the majority of my time sat in a hammock reading the novels I had brought and read both of them from beginning to end in a single day. After the years had passed and I came back, someone told me about how they saw me laying there that year and were curious about me and why I disappeared, how that year had been the first year they went and consequently their first and only impression of me. I think if I hadn't been in such a state of anxiety from just being there I would've cried.
I just prefer to be alone and most of the time I don't care if it means there's something wrong with me. And it's not out of hatred for my family; I've simply never felt comfortable in a single interaction with them.
>>657
do you know if specific people in your family that might care enough to ask where you've been and missing your company or is it just impossible to tell?
>>657
Normalfags are so fair-weather people it is painful. When things are good with you, they don't show you that you matter. They only appreciate the theoretical idea of you, not the actual you. Being around normalfags who don't care about you makes me feel even more alone. The gatherings don't matter and are more appearance of family togetherness rather than an actual gathering,